If you've ever laid in bed with your mind racing through endless to-do lists, worries, or regrets, you know how frustrating this can be. Nothing is worse than knowing you need sleep yet feeling like you can’t shut your brain off.
For many adults, these sleepless nights stem from a perfect storm of stress, hormonal changes, and an ever-expanding list of responsibilities. The result? Persistent sleep disruptions that can spiral into insomnia.
Insomnia, especially when driven by anxiety, is more than just an inability to rest—it's a cycle that depletes energy, affects health, and worsens mental well-being. In this blog, we’ll explore the nature of insomnia and why anxiety compounds it, and then we’ll go over actionable ways you can stop the cycle of insomnia and anxiety with five proven calming techniques. Let’s get to it!
Understanding insomnia and chronic insomnia
Insomnia is a common sleep disorder that is characterized by difficulties falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up too early without feeling refreshed. Unfortunately, insomnia here or there is a normal part of life. It can happen to any of us and shouldn’t cause too much concern as long as it’s not a regular occurrence.
While occasional sleepless nights are part of life, chronic insomnia—lasting three or more nights per week over an extended period—significantly impacts day-to-day functioning, mood, and overall health.
For women, chronic insomnia often intertwines with hormonal changes, heightened stress, or lifestyle factors. Hormonal fluctuations during menstruation, pregnancy, or menopause can exacerbate anxiety and disrupt sleep. Add to this the emotional toll of daily pressures, and insomnia becomes a relentless cycle of exhaustion and frustration.
How the cycle of anxiety and sleep gets out of control
A night of poor sleep (or several in a row) can breed anxiety about future nights. This is a natural response to not being well-rested and anticipating another sleepless night ahead. However, this anxiety makes it harder to fall asleep the next night. Then lack of sleep overnight negatively affects your mood and ability to cope with stress. This cycle creates a negative association with bedtime—turning it from a time of rest into a source of dread. To break this loop, we need to address both the mind's anxieties and the body's responses.
The stress response and its role in sleep
At its core, anxiety is a byproduct of our body’s natural stress response, also known as the “fight-or-flight” mechanism. This response is designed to keep us safe in the face of danger by prompting a surge of adrenaline and cortisol that prepares the body for immediate action. In small doses, it’s life-saving and hugely important. But when this stress response is activated chronically—by work stress, personal challenges, or negative thoughts—it wreaks havoc on our sleep.
When stress is constant, cortisol levels remain continually elevated. This creates a state of persistent alertness in our bodies and this heightened state can make it nearly impossible for the body to transition to sleep when it’s bedtime. Elevated cortisol can also increase heart rate and make it difficult to relax, further fueling bedtime anxiety.
Stressing about not being able to sleep compounds the problem, making each bedtime even more frustrating. The more you worry, the more cortisol is released, and the cycle continues. To fix this, you need to learn how to stop the cycle in it’s tracks.
Now, finally, the part you’ve been waiting for: how the heck do I get myself out of this hole and finally get better rest? Let’s talk through 5 ways you can end your nightly anxiety and chronic insomnia.
1. Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR)
What It Is: Progressive Muscle Relaxation is a technique that involves tensing and then slowly releasing different muscle groups one at a time. This works to relieve tension in the body, promote physical relaxation and signals to the brain that it’s time to wind down.
How To: Find a quiet, comfortable space and lie down. Start with your toes, squeezing the muscles tightly for 5-10 seconds, then slowly release. Gradually work your way up through your legs, torso, hands, arms, neck and head. With each release, focus on the sensation of tension melting away. This practice can reduce overall stress levels and anchor you in the present.
2. Breathwork and mindful breathing
What It Is: Intentional breathing exercises help activate the parasympathetic nervous system (i.e. your body’s way of getting out of fight or flight mode). This helps shift the body from a state of stress to one of relaxation.
How To: There are lots of different breathing techniques you can try but one of my favorites is box breathing. In order to practice box breathing you’ll get into a comfortable laying position first. Then inhale for four counts, hold the breath for four counts, exhale for four counts, and pause for another four counts before repeating. This is a great way to slow down, focus only on your breathing, and regulate your nervous system. Alternatively, if counting breaths just feels too challenging right off the bat- keep it simple! Lie down with a hand on your stomach, close your eyes, and focus on slow, deep breaths. Feel your abdomen rise and fall, allowing your mind to quiet with each breath.
3. Setting a worry time
What It Is: This technique involves dedicating a specific time earlier in the day to ruminate, confront and process your worries. While we don’t want to get stuck in worry, we also don’t want to ignore it or shove it aside all day long only for it to creep up at the end of the day when you’re trying to fall asleep. By setting aside a specific time to worry, you can reduce the likelihood that these thoughts will creep in as you’re trying to fall asleep.
How To: Schedule 5-20 minutes each day to stop and sit down quietly. Allow yourself to think through the thoughts you’ve been running from or shoving down throughout the day. Think through all the “worst-case” scenarios you need to, come to terms with it and allow yourself to feel and experience the emotions that these thoughts bring up. Jot down any concerns, tasks, or thoughts that are preoccupying your mind. Once you’ve written them down and if there’s nothing you can actionably do about your worries at the moment, commit to leaving them behind until your “worry time” tomorrow. If anxious thoughts creep in at night, gently remind yourself that you’ve already given them attention and will revisit them again tomorrow.
4. Visualization for relaxation
What It Is: Visualization engages your imagination, guiding your mind away from stress and towards soothing, positive imagery. Using visualization practices can help shift your mind from stressful thoughts to more positive ones.
How To: Close your eyes and picture yourself in your happy place—a calm beach, a forest, or your favourite peaceful spot. Imagine the details: the scent of the air, the sound of waves, or the feeling of soft grass underfoot. Pull in your five senses as you picture your happy place. You can even enhance the effects by listening to nature sounds or guided imagery recordings. Guided imagery recordings are especially helpful for shifting focus from anxious thoughts to calming scenes if you are new to this practice.
5. Brain dump
What It Is: A brain dump is a practice of writing down every thought, task, or worry on your mind, helping to clear your mental clutter before bed.
How To: Keep a journal or post it pad by your bedside. As part of your bedtime routine, take a moment and write down anything on your mind—whether it’s tomorrow’s meeting agenda, a lingering worry, or a reminder to pick up milk. Then, once you’re laying down, if more thoughts keep popping up that you need to set aside until tomorrow, jot those down too. This exercise signals to your brain that it’s safe to let go, as the information is safely recorded and you can revisit it tomorrow when you’re done resting.
The importance of addressing the root cause of sleep struggles
While these calming techniques can provide immediate relief, long-term improvement requires addressing the root causes of your sleep struggles. The root cause of chronic insomnia stems from our thoughts and behaviours around sleep. This then can spiral into ingrained patterns of anxiety when it’s time to sleep. Cognitive restructuring —addressing any negative thoughts you have about your sleep, and switches them out with realistic thoughts. This helps to redue the fight or flight response and makes bedtime a more positive association.
For example, instead of fearing bedtime, cultivate a mindset of acceptance and self-compassion. Replace negative thoughts like “I’ll never sleep” with “I’m giving my body the rest it needs, even if I’m not sleeping right now.” Addressing both the thoughts and behaviours that perpetuate insomnia is the key to lasting change.
In conclusion
But having a racing mind at bedtime doesn’t have to be something you are stuck with forever. By understanding the underlying causes of your sleep struggles and adopting calming techniques, you can teach your body and brain to fall asleep and stay asleep easier. Start small—integrate one or two techniques and build from there.
If you’re ready to work on your sleep. I’d love to chat with you on a discovery call. On this call I will share the exact 4 step method I use to help my client fix their sleep, so they can start enjoying bedtime!